Thursday, October 23, 2014

good enough.

I'm in my 25th week of pregnancy with our sixth child.

What I'm most worried about is being a Mom to six. And honestly,  while I'm completely 
elated, I'm also scared as heck to have a girl. I feel like as Mama to five boys,  I kinda got this thing down. I know the drill.  The whole girl thing is overwhelming me a bit. It kind of feels a little bit like having your first baby, like how the heck am I going to do this, but I do know that it will all fade once she is here. 

Even more than that, I worry about being a good Mom to six kids. How am I going to balance relationships with each of them? How am I going to deal with all the very different personalities in our home? How do I make sure my husband knows he's loved with all the directions we are constantly going? 

There are days now where I never feel like enough. Like I've been defeated before my feet even get downstairs for the start of the day. 
Those days I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, "I give up!" There is no way I'll make it in one piece. Powering through, pulling myself up by my bootstraps and pressing on even though I am completely just overwhelmed with life. 

We do that. I do that. Just push everything down and to the sides and slap on a happy face. When in reality each morning brings nothing new but overwhelming feelings. We try on our own to conquer that day, but we are really only getting more discouraged, more hopeless, and really being self-righteous. 

The thing is, in these times, my biggest problem is actually my unbelief. In my sin, I am failing to see who I am in HIM. How in my day to day live, my struggles, big and small, his glory is revealed. 

Sometimes when you get so deep into a funk, it doesn't feel like you can dig yourself out. And you can't. No self pep talk, willing or might on our own will bring us out. 
Seek HIS face. Seek HIM! Cry out to HIM!
Start you day going to Him. 
End your day going to Him.

"  ButGod, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—  and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,  so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." Ephesians 2:4-7

1 comment:

Danielle said...

Such good thoughts here Anne! I can relate!