being happy at home {part 3}

First of all , I realize my thoughts are all over the place, and I apologize for the poor organization of these posts.

Secondly though, it's good to know that I'm not the only one.

.

I've received a few e-mails, and talked with a few different people. Just working through it all in my {loco} mind

I realize that a HUGE part of my problem is just plain old being discontent. Being discontent because I want for ME.

I've been reading1 and 2 Peter. I was slacking off about reading it and yesterday spent some time meditating on it. It's awesome how applicable scripture is ALL the TIME.

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

{2 Peter 1:3-11}

As I was reading some of the Westminster Catechism kept popping into my mind.

What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy him forever.

THAT's IT.

NOT {and have a great job...and be able to sew like a maniac, have the best kids ever...etc.}

Glorify God and Enjoy him forever. PERIOD.

And it's true.

I know and see that a part of glorifying God CAN BE through your job, your sewing, through how you respond to your kids...and that's awesome.

I know there are many areas of my life I can work on, and wanting to do other things with my life is OK. But my priority should be { and desire to be} on giving glory and LOVING Christ, my husband, my family, my church body, OTHERS.

And if I can accomplish that...if when I die they can say she LOVED so hard. Loved the LORD mightily, loved her husband and children well, and was passionate about loving others...I'd be good with that.

being happy at home {part 2}

Here is the thing, while I am satisfied with where God has me, where I am at in life. The feelings creep in...the guilt I do feel sometimes that I'm not 'making a difference'...{which I know I don't have to work at a paid job to do}

I am COMPLETELY thankful and happy to be at home, raising our boys. I also know there are a lot of women who would love to be able to stay home with their children. I guess it's the 'grass is always greener' syndrome.

It's not even that I want a career, I know I don't I suppose it's just more that I don't feel like I am contributing to the world at all. I realize that I'm being selfish here {the purpose of my life is 'to glorify God and enjoy him forever. Adore, worship, serve, seek to bring glory to him}... but I'm human...a sinner.

The inter-webs can be a danger zone. There are blogs/sites about and by women who seem to have it all figured out as a wife, mom, friend....and I know that nobody has it ALL figured out and most don't really affect me. I really enjoy reading others blogs, what they have to say, getting to know some of them better {via e-mail, facebook, etc.} and appreciate them and many have been so encouraging to me in many ways...and I can honestly say I'm happy for them.

It's more the women who have it put together AND are doing something amazing. Like sewing their pants off, or doing cute crafty things, doing something sweet for their community...you catch my drift.

AT the SAME TIME...I realize that what',s the point of all that? I mean I suppose some of them do it for $$ , but mostly they do it because they enjoy it. And then they blog about it. Because why not? Makes total sense.

{ I however, am probably making little to ZERO sense, I am rambling on about the craziness that is in my head I realize...but I'll keep going, it's my BLAWG after all.}

So, I guess I just feel like such a lame person. LAME.

I do it...the wife thing, the mom thing, the house thing, the blog thing, the friend thing...

etc...but I'm not really doing any of it that great. You know?

I know...I KNOW that the purpose of my life isn't to be AWESOME, or to please other people, or show off my mad skills, it just feels like I'm not a little bit good at anything.

HELLO DEBBIE DOWNER!

I know, GET OVER IT already, but I can't help the longing of DOING SOMETHING with my life. Problem is...I don't even know what I WANT TO DO. I've looked into going back to school...in a few years, for nursing. I'd LOVE being a labor and delivery nurse...and since I have a college degree I can join in an accelerated program. Then I have doubts, like am I being completely selfish in wanting this? It's not like we need extra income or anything...and what about other things I've thought about doing...writing more, opening a store or restaurant? What about just simply investing more in people? Am I completely insane?

Is it just as simple as I am looking to other things for joy/happiness other than Christ?

Am I the worst child of Christ EVER?

Am I the craziest person on the planet...and the only person reading my own blog?

more to come....

being happy at home. {part 1}

{my parents house. December 2011}

As a young girl I don’t remember ever really wanting to be something in particular when I grew up. I never really put that much thought into it. Sure I played house, and friends and I would have a wide variety of pretend careers but even as I got older I never really had a career I REALLY wanted.

I suppose maybe it’s like that for a lot of people. I think many young people enter into college having NO IDEA what they really want to do. I honestly think it would be helpful for high school students to have a

‘careers’ class where they could observe and/or explore different career paths to help them decide what they might want to do. Then again people seem change their minds as they grow older too.

Anyway, when I entered college I decided to get a teaching degree. I always loved my teachers and I really wanted to teach middle school aged kids. After three different schools, and getting married, I had one year of college fund money and then I was out. Long story short I did what seemed completely logical at the time. I got a degree in history, thinking I could get a job at the historical society, or perhaps when Justin was done with school we’d move somewhere amazing where I’d get an amazing career with National Geographic or something.

YEAH.

I graduated and when jobs weren’t panning out in Madison, I stuck with my job at Starbucks and saw the head of the department for some ideas.

He told me to join the PEACE CORPS.

Nice and all, but I did just get married and pretty sure my husband didn’t want me taking off to who knows where and for how long. I’m sure I would’ve benefited a LOT from the experience but I was at a point in my life where it wasn’t going to happen.

So, I worked at Starbucks…and then I got pregnant about six months after I graduated.

TOTAL shock…and COMPLETE excitement.

I remember back as a young girl, sitting in church watching families file in with their sweet little children and want that. A husband and little babes of my own to love on, teach, and raise.

Now here I am, all these years later, with a great husband and four healthy boys and I find myself complaining. I know I should be completely grateful { and I am grateful for all the goodness God has given to me}, but I still feel….unsettled?

Am I the only one?

more soon…

prayer.

{taken with cell, retro camera}

I've been thinking about prayer lately...and praying about prayer. I have to admit, I'm not the best at it. I'm not consistent about it. I think I fear I am praying to much with my petitions and not enough with praise, and then I tend to avoid it altogether as I don't want to feel like {and God knows if I am} I'm faking it. I'll pray in large groups {sometimes} but I feel like I am always fumbling over my words because I don't want to sound like I am trying to impress people, but at the same time I don't want to sound like a babbling fool.

Here is the thing though, that I have been thinking about more: God knows my heart. Maybe I'm not the most eloquent, and maybe I often times don't know what to say, or exactly how to pray but I know that I should just {like the old Nike ads displayed} DO IT. Our actions are a reflection of our heart, and my avoiding prayer has shown me that I don't see that it really boils down to me, my heart, and my pride.

As I've been thinking about prayer,this verse has been coming to mind.

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." {Philippians 4:6}

This includes being anxious about prayer itself.

Then the other day I stumbled across this:
"I appeal to you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God on my behalf."{ Romans 15:30}
Hello?! Wake up call?!
STRIVE to pray. When have I ever done this? To see God as my only hope and CLING to him and desperately cling to him. To do this through prayer. What an amazing gift that I really have taken for granted. A gift from a savior who has shown grace upon grace and I've so blindly ignored it for so long because of my own selfish fears.

When was the last time I have strived, struggled, and persisted in prayer? I think about the struggles of so many in the Bible, like Paul who PRAYED for those who hated him that they might be saved. I've never thought much how hard that could have been for him, to persist, and to struggle in having a heart of love towards those who hated him, to want them to know Christ like he did.

AMAZING.

So, this year as we welcome a forth child into our home and as we embark on new challenges and changes of what may happen, I hope that I can learn to pray more. That God would reveal to me the importance to be persistent in prayer.

To struggle. To STRIVE and to persevere in prayer and praise to him.

Happy 2011.

Finding Me.

{by, anne swanson}
In this day and age with so many working moms, and women doing more than they ever have, being a stay-at-home mom seems, well, like it isn't enough. {read more HERE}

Being Real 2.0, and finding the real me.

Someone whom I love and respect very much, asks me {nearly every time I see him} what am I going to do with my life?

I know, in his eyes being a Mom and all is nice, but what was I going to DO with my life? How was I going to contribute to society. He and his wife are VERY successful in life, and have the money to show for it.

I get it. What was my mission in life?

In this day and age with so many working Moms, and woman doing more than they ever have, being a stay at home mom seems, well, like it isn't enough.

There are plenty of Mom's out there who do work and have kids. WE {as in Justin and I} have decided that it is important to us for me to be home with our kids. He makes plenty of money for us to live comfortably so I am able to do that.

There are times, amidst spit-up, spills, and laundry piles that I wonder, how this can be it for me? That the majority of my life is filled with cleaning, running errands, disciplining and teaching children, and other various tasks.

Sure, I know, I know, Oprah has mentioned several times that Mothers have the hardest job in the world, and the audience cheers in agreement. I can't help but wonder if inside, she is really thinking how thankful she is she isn't a stay at home Mom.

When I got married, I QUICKLY realized that I couldn't be as selfish as I once was. I was not joined with this man, and we were ONE. Yikes!

I think so many marriages fail mostly out of pure selfishness, and that one or both spouses have no interest in being "bossed around" by the other and they are not going to change or make sacrifice for another person!

Then, when children enter the scene, you have to become even LESS selfish and sacrifice so much more. FREEDOM becomes much more limited as you are now responsible for another LIFE!

All these changes got me to thinking about who I am. I've been married over seven years now, and we have three young boys. How did I get here, and we did "I" go? I mean, I don't know exactly where I DID see myself, or who "I" was supposed to be,but it didn't seem like this was it.

How was I supposed to find any part of who I was when it seems all my time is given to my husband,kids, and others? Who am I?!

A few weeks ago we had a guest speaker, Peter Hubbard, at our church who talked about our mission in life.

He told a story about how he was waiting for his wife at the mall and he asked several people who happened to come sit where he was if they knew what their purpose in life was.

As he talked about one girl who was confident in her purpose to become a teacher and tell people about Jesus. Another middle aged man had no clue, but the majority of people really hadn't thought about it much and just gave general answers you might expect. To have a good job, enjoy family and friends and be successful and contributing to society in some way.

As I read Marian's article over at Ungrind this week, it really hit home. I thought back to that sermon a few weeks ago. I thought about my mission in life. How authentic was I being in that?
It seems like I have everything backwards. I'm being real with girlfriends and leaving my husband wondering what was going on inside my head. He often comments that he can't read my mind, so why do I so often expect him to?

What was my life mission, and if someone came up to me today and asked, how would I respond?

Pastor Hubbard gave us a list to use as guidelines as we look at ourselves, our real mission in lives. He encouraged us to ask someone close to us to ask these questions of ourselves. It's not a check-list, to check off and say, YES! I must be saved! But, rather to indicate that you are part of the people of God.

Here are a few:
Do you see evidences that I am saved?
In the way I am honest about who I am and what I do?

Do you hear my confess my sins? Do I repent?

How do I receive and give forgiveness?

Do you see my trusting in Christ as my only hope for righteousness?

Am I intentionally building relationships with the lost?

Do I worry too much about how others perceive me?

Am I using my time and {our} money wisely?

Do you see me moving from things that use to bind me?

What better person to ask than my husband who sees me everyday, in the good,the bad {and ugly} am I living authentically for Christ? Am I on the mission for Jesus Christ?

As I define my authentic self, who I want to really be, it really is simple, and that is OK.
I am a sinner saved by grace, and I pray that during this short life here on earth I will be as Marion desires and describes in her article.

"Authenticity, let it flow. Let it be real and raw and full of God."

May that be my life mission....FULL of GOD, on mission for Jesus Christ no matter where I am or what I am doing.

"Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation." 1 Peter 2:12

keeping it real.

I can't STAND it when people are fake with me.

I once knew someone that I didn't see all that often, but when I did I got that over the top, fake bubbly attitude, and plastered on smile. I could never figure out who she really was underneath all her words.

I've thought about it though---that while I might not be a complete fake with people, I might not be as real as I can be with people.
What I mean is on a personal level am I willing to admit my faults? Can I'd admit I can be weak and weary? Do I ask for prayer and help with my struggles?
Not enough.
In the past few years, my best friend and I who are now separated by hundreds of miles have been better at being more genuine with one another. Being more open and honest than we ever before---even when we lived together in college. We have worked through some hard things together. Things that needed to be revealed to each other so we could help each other and heal, to point each other to Christ.
I've only recently realized the need to be more authentic, more real with the people I see most. It's been three years since we torn up our roots in Wisconsin and moved to Kentucky, and in those short three years Justin and I have met some amazing, lifelong friends. We have been so blessed to find and become members of an amazing church body.
A church plant, and still relatively small, we have a group of amazingly tight knit people who genuinely love and care for one other. The display of love from friends who are excited and passionate about Christ has shown me that I can be more open and transparent with them.
It has been so rewarding and encouraging to be able to humble myself, and confess my struggles, my weaknesses, my pains.
The articles this month over at Ungrind have been so encouraging to read as I see these woman struggle as I have. As I think about who I am, what I want to be.

"An authentic, godly woman -- from the depths of me -- this is what I long to
be. And I want to struggle well to become this. I'm thankful that God is
continuing to show me more and more about the healing He wants to give me, most
of all, in my relationship with Him.
As Tim Keller says, "all of life is
repentance." So if that's the case, and I believe it is, then confession must
happen all the time to God and to the people he has put in our lives."

Like Samantha talks about in her article, An Uptown Confession I too hope I can become a more authentic and godly woman as I swallow my pride and become more honest, transparent, and real with others.

Friends Who Sharpen.

By Anne Swanson

A couple of years ago I missed the wedding of Angie, one of my best friends from high school. Angie was heartbroken. And I felt awful that I wasn't there to celebrate with her.

Sure, there was the excuse that we now lived hundreds of miles away from one another, but I could have found a way to be there, if I'd really wanted to. The truth is, blowing off friends had become somewhat of a pattern for me. I'd been doing for months.
Read on here...

Count It All Joy.

I couldn't believe what I was looking at.
There was toilet paper everywhere, not to mention a number of toys floating in the toilet. And did I see a few sitting comfortably on the bottom? Great. I was going to have to stick my hand in the toilet. Again.

Read on....

(image credit: ungrind.org)

Saving George.

...I never really understood or appreciated the value of money growing up. I never learned how to budget or save, which caught up with me later in life...
Continue reading...

Oh and don't forget the poll below!

Ungrind: Simple Gestures

Check out my latest publication at Ungrind.

The Couch War

Check out my latest publication at Ungrind.

Rediscovering the Savior

Image taken from www.ungrind.org

Ungrind published my latest article Rediscovering The Savior today. Check it out here.

joy in the journey.

I received word this morning that Radiant was going to publish an article I had submitted to them a few weeks ago. Check it out here.

Book Giveaway.

We're having a book giveaway this month at Ungrind.

Come check us out and enter to win!