I have to be honest here.
I HATE breastfeeding.
There are two and only two reasons I do it.
1. Best for baby.
2. Justin wants me to.
Perhaps you have heard or read about how breastfeeding bonds you and your baby. Perhaps you have bonded more with your baby this way. I however do not feel more bonded to my baby when I breastfeed. I think that if I fed him through a bottle I would feel the same. Honestly I feel more depressed and worrisome when I am breastfeeding. I will say as the baby gets older and nurses less often I feel better about it but I still hate it. I am not entirely sure why even...it is not like I feel like he is constantly connected to me because you never know when he will want to nurse, that does not bother me at all, it is just not fun at all to me.
When I worked at Starbucks there was a woman who came in with her newborn and ALWAYS nursed. Now I am fine with people nursing in public, I do it if I have to, the problem I have is this...exposing yourself to the world. Just throw a blanket over your shoulder. It makes people uneasy to see that, and is inappropriate for men and children to see in public. I personally lost my appetite for a latte once I saw that babe sucking on his mothers breast.
Now I get that there is a certain beauty or whatever in a nursing child, but I just do not get it. I feel a little guilty that I do not like it but I don't.
I hate breastfeeding.
It is as simple and as complicated as that.
11 comments:
Hi Anne,
This is Tami DeLeeuw (I will show up anonymous because I don't have a blogger account)
Every once in a while I pop into the Swansons girls blog to see "whats up" I love the pictures and latest news.... I have to admit today I feel sad:( I love nursing and it breaks my heart to hear you don't. I am so proud of you for doing it though. Your reasons are great-it is best for your little lamb and way to go on being submissive to Justin's leadership. But I am going to pray that you will experience the joys of nursing this time around. That in your commitment to nursing not only will Justin and Evan be blessed but you also!!!!
Love,
Tami
Anne,
You are so funny. I like Breastfeeding later...I am always kind of sad when they stop. But the first 6-8 weeks are AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How come nobody talks about how much it makes your toes curl everytime they latch on. ARGH. I think the first month of breastfeeding is so much worse than pushing the baby out. I do have to say my second was a lot easier. He latched on right and stuff but it still hurt in the begining and I felt like I was just a milk machine for awhile. Seth was awful though. I got a breast infection and he took forever so I felt like all I did was nurse, burp, change him and start all over.
On the cover up issue...Yes nice blankets that are light weight work well. Have you seen the new tops that make it so you don't have to expose your whole belly too they are tight tanks you can wear by themselves or under other shirts and so once the kid is on you really can't see much of anything.
Big hugs. Hang in there. It is so much better for the baby health wise and so much cheaper besides.
Anne, I understand.
I breastfeed Olivia and for the first four months she ate every hour. It was taxing and all-consuming. It got better after she turned four months and then I did enjoy it. It was difficult for me to stop nursing her.
With Ava, I tried and tried and tried to nurse her for almost six months. But she would get distracted and nurse for five minutes, then stop and want to do that all day long. I couldn't take it anymore and was concerned that she was getting enough, so I weaned her and put her on the bottle around six months. It was so frustrating with Ava that I didn't enjoy it and was relieved not to be breastfeeding her anymore. Although part of me felt guilty for a long time because breastfeeding is the best for the baby. But, you know what, Ava is doing great.
Anyway, I know the feeling of enjoying it and feeling the bond, and the feeling of not wanting to do it anymore.
I'll be praying for you.
Oh, on another note, as Bethany said, it is a lot cheaper to breastfeed. Formula is SO expensive.
Also, have you heard of the Gabriel Feeding Pad? It's so much better than using a blanket. I loved it during the time I was breastfeeding my girls.
I am so sorry. I am happy to say that I do not have any breastfeeding stories to share with you seeing as I am single and in college. I can tell you that I will be praying for you though! I hope that is of some comfort. In Him, katie
i agree--its a simple and complicated issue. i admire you greatly for sticking with it, though. and perhaps by talking about it, the circle of support you have here will help you pull through and reach whatever goal you've set for yourself. when i was having trouble nursing claire, it helped me greatly to hear encouragement from other breastfeeding moms -- perhaps you could get involved in La Leche League? i actually found that reading the message boards put up by mothering magazine was immensely encouraging (www.mothering.com/discussions). lots of women have trouble with breastfeeding, and it helps to know that you're not alone.
Good luck, Anne. You are in my prayers.
I'm with you... someone asked me what I was most looking forward to having a baby and what I was least looking forward to. Nursing was right up there with the least. However, I have to say that it's been suprisingly easier this time around... so hang in there for your third ;-)
Add your milk coming in all the time! It's always when I'm in a public place too and I want to badly to hold my chest to make it less painful but I just have to stand there and act as if nothing's happening!
Hey Anne, I found your blog account through browsing Danielle's comments. This post cracks me up. Let me just tell you that it's okay that you don't like breastfeeding. I never got into it either and to be quite honest, I find it gross. I never try and push some of my girlfriends to breastfeed, in fact, my Christian girlfriend Jennifer who just had a baby is strictly bottle feeding. She feels like the public shuns her for doing so and that's ridiculous. Formuala is expensive, but the way they make it now it is very good for your baby. You should do what you want to do. If I were you, I'd talk with your husband and pray about doing what feels best for both YOU and the baby. It's about the both of you, remember :-)
Bless your heart, I only got depressed while nursing when I was pregnant and nursing simultaneously, I always felt like my hormones were going in the opposite directions. Maybe you have some sort of a hormonal imbalance? Anyway, I have a friend who also hated nursing, it was just SO draining for her. She jokes about it now and says they were sucking the life out of her and draining years from her lifespan. Thankfully her third time arouund is going much better. Have you tried reading while you nurse? I used to use a Boppy and read... now I miss those days. My baby weaned herself before she even got to 12 months!
I, too, hate breastfreeding (but love olives and C.S. Lewis!). This is my third (and last) time doing it, but he's only 7 weeks old so I don't feel like I can give it up yet...sigh...
I'm totally with you. I breastfed my first, and will my second (due in a couple of weeks), but I just don't enjoy it. It's the right thing to do, good for the baby and all, but I do not enjoy it. I find it somehow imposing; I see nothing glorious about being sucked on. As for the bonding, I adore my kid (now 7) and I'm sure I will the other one, I just don't think breastfeeding is a way to bond for me; kissing, hugging, and cuddling are the ways to go.
So I will do it (and have done it), but I don't have to like it. My husband thinks there's something wrong with me for not getting absolutely elated by the bonding prospects of breastfeeding, but then again he's not the one having to do it.
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