Monday, March 16, 2009

House Hunters.

Let's talk about HGTV. The home and garden channel(although I'm not sure where the garden part of the channel is) but I want to talk specifically about the show House Hunters.

Although I'm not sure how much I REALLY love that show, because the whole time it is on Justin and I are like, "what is with these people?"

Let me explain:

If you have never seen the show, the host, Suzanne Whang, or a few times hosted by Star Jones (here is where I shutter and barf) starts of the show talking about the person or persons buying a new house. They always have cheesy clips of the couple and the "problems" they have in their current living situation. Usually a family is buying a bigger home because they need more space, but every so often the biggest "problem" is the squeaky refrigerator door. I mean really. A whole new house for that? Ever hear of WD-40?
This is just the first five minutes of the show. We then proceed to go "with" the buyers to visit 3 potential homes (one of which they will buy) and their Realtor...who is almost always overly enthusiastic about being on the show.

As you "visit" these homes with the buyers, these things almost ALWAYS happen within the course of the show.

1. First Impressions.
They walk in the front door and either fall immediately in love or hate with the home. Now I know first impressions are important, but you HAVE to see the whole house before you can really make a decision, right? The thing is often times people hate a room because of the paint.
Ummm...Guess what? Paint costs about $20 a gallon. The only other things you need are; something called a paintbrush and your hands. They even give you a stir stick for FREE! It kills me when people act like a paint color on the walls will make or break their decision. The Realtor almost always says "you can paint it" and they roll their eyes and sigh like they are the absolute laziest people on earth. I mean painting a room isn't my favorite thing to do either, but if it enhances my living space it is worth it.
Maybe you shouldn't own a home then you lazy bum!

2. the Extras.
"Look at that A-MAZE-ING crown molding. It's awesome."
Yeah, crown molding is nice and all but CALM DOWN.

Then they walk into the kitchen and practically start hyperventilating.
"Stainless Steel!!!!!!!!!"
It's like a major let down if there is anything but. I mean I get it, I like stainless steel appliances too, but again, it is not going to make or break my decision in buying a home.

Layout, flow and overall charm is what sells me...not the appliances and crown molding.

3.The Master Bedroom.
Um, how much space do you need for a bed and a dresser?
" I think this will fit our yacht we were planning on putting in here, and our furniture. It's a bit small though."
I mean people expect their master bedroom to be as big as their living room. Still trying to understand that one.
Bedroom for sleepy sleepy people.
Why would you want two living rooms ?
Then, if there is no Master Bath they about DIE.
AND.... if there is a master bath if there is not two sinks how will they cope?
Sheesh people,heaven forbid that you and your significant other need water at the same time? I mean you can't wait 2 minutes while your husband brushes his teeth?
Now two toilets...I could go for.
And why OH why does the husband ALWAYS get in the bathtub to "test" it out?

4. The closet jokes.
"I think this will fit all MY stuff honey...tee-hee-hee."
Seriously? The massive walk-in closet which could potentially be another room will only house your things?
" You can have the guest closet honey."

I mean I feel like I'm watching newlyweds. BLEECH. You know they are still in that puppy love stage making the lamest jokes and the rest of us have to sit there at take it...anyway.
UGH. Enough with the lame closet jokes. It's not even funny. At all.

5. The PARTY!
Ok. So at the end of the show, (after a look at three homes) the buyer(s) decide which home they will buy and then they fast forward to like 4 months after they moved in to check in to see how they have decorated the place and enjoy it.
It CRACKS me up to no end when the homeowners throw a party that is put at the tail end of the show and the people attending are their neighbors (who they clearly do not really know) maybe their parents and their realtor.
Now that is what I call a rockin' party.
All I know is that if I go on House Hunters I'm going to be totally awesome, with my witty comments, hilarious jokes and you can bet I'm going to throw a party and invite like 90 people. Yeah, it will be the best House Hunters.


Busch family said...

I'll come to your party, Anne! I haven't ever seen this show, but if I ever do, I'll be thinking of you the whole time when I watch it. :)

Dad said...

I heard some people even buy their house over the internet without seeing it in real life ???

Dad said...

And they have a stud in thier nose too !

Sarah G. said...

LOL!!! You have me cracking up! David and I watch sometimes too, and feel the SAME way. Goofy show, but good laugh. Thanks for sharing your thoughts you are truly hilarious :)

Bethany said...

It is goofy but entertaining. You are so funny. House Hunters did a show in our neighborhood. They ended up buying a house here. Similar to mine. She even bought the same chandelier and bedspread for her kid as mine it was kinda funny.

I want to come to your house hunters party let me know.

Brian Weidner said...

We started watching House Hunters International. It's the same cheesy stuff that you wrote about, but in a different country.

We secretly enjoy guessing which house they choose.

StephenandCameron said...

I think they should do a show where the couple buys a REAL fixer-upper like ours and then show how they themselves, NOT A CONTRACTOR, work on it and how it turns out in the end. I have also watched this show with disgust when they say that their current house is too "small". I'm like, "why don't you come over and see our house buddy?? You've got a stinkin' mansion!!"

Kirby3131 said...

I know this post is a month old, but I just saw it & I've got to comment. I watched house hunters the other night, for the first time in a long time. I found myself laughing the whole time - for all the reasons you stated. I was so dissapointed with the couple though - they chose the only place that didn't have a backyard because it was new construction. No charm, no character, no crazy fun tile - Big, New & the same layout as next door.

This is a great post. I think I'm going to blog about it and send more folks this way to read it. :)