Thursday, September 10, 2009

letter time.

My dear King of the Toilet Paper,
This is the first time I've ever written, because to be perfectly honest I'd never seen the need.
However, I've seen the need and I have responded!
First I'd like to address the issue of what kind of toilet paper is best overall. One that satisfies all kinds, shapes and sizes of bums. One that is of appropriate price, and of course easily assessed. This is a question I ask you to answer, because I have yet to discover the conclusion.
What fanny wipe is the best?
Granted I have not tried and tested them all, but I've learned some things along the way...or which toliet papers NOT to use.

Sand Paper toliet paper. Otherwse known as Scotts. Oh yeah, that stuff is brutal. Perhaps fine for short, infrequent use, but for anyone spending any length of time on the toliet the stuff is pretty comprarable to sand paper...and NOT cheap I might add. A kabillion dollars for four rolls of sand paper seems a bit ridiculous, and it is.

I refuse, R-E-F-U-S-E to use toliet paper used by Bears! Oh, you know what I'm talking about, CHARMIN!!! What is with those Bears? Bears don't use toliet paper!! Even if they did, why must a bear have the finest toliet paper available? They live in a forest for crying out loud! Furthermore, why are there bits of it sticking to thier bottom ALL OF THE TIME?! Also, would it KILL them to find a local stream to WASH THIER hands in...

I've resorted to buying what is on sale, or just looks like it will get the job done. I need some recommnedations, and would like to settle down and stick with one brand of toliet paper for the fannys that enter our home. It would be greatly appreciated to have your top three list.

Thank you in advance.

A-money Swanson

ps- If you could work on the bear hand washing situation at the very least, it would be much appreciated by many I am sure.


Kim said...

I feel your pain. We recently made the mistake of buying what is on sale at Costco, so my bum has been paying the price for months. Today, I get to go back to Charmin, YAY! Bear or not, that is the softest tissue on the planet. And truly, my cheeks don't care about the advertising:) Good luck in your search!

Anonymous said...

The Chuck Norris paper is great! But Charmin is the best. Originally their mascots were female models, to make TP seem sophisticated because people didn't like to talk about their bum back in the day. But now that bums are all the rage they switched to bears because bears are fun! So go buy some Charmin because it is the best!!!

Anonymous said...

Here is all the TP knowledge you will ever need!!!

Busch family said...

Funny letter! I hear ya on the Scott toilet paper thing. My parents buy that, so we're almost inclined to bring our own toilet paper when we visit them! I think that they think it's cheaper or something...whatever! :) I've tried talking to them about it, but it doesn't help. Oh well.

We usually end up buying whatever's on sale or whatever we have a good coupon for. Usually Angel Soft ends up as the frequent choice.
Oh, and, word to the wise, the Kroger Best Value brand of toilet paper is comparable to Scott. Even if it's on the 88-cent sale, don't buy it. We did that once in a pinch. Never again. :)

Megan said...

jim LOVES scott tp- and so that's what we get, and i totally have never had opinions about is a VERY passionate topic for many people, though! :)


Ashleigh said...

I'm no help. Of all the toilet paper I've tried, Charmin is the best. Hands down. I'm just saying ...

Katie said...

I love target and it's target or now "up" brand and that love includes their toilet paper was well!

(A couple of times I was in a lurch, so after a class and before I came home I would take a large amount and put it in a little baggie to delay the run to target for another day when I had a little more time! Not saying that is a solution for anything...maybe for graduation I will buy the dean of students or the president a roll of toilet paper as a gift!)

Josh Lloyd said...

Anne! Hilarious! Just the fact that you had the balls to write a blog about what you wipe your butt with, is awesome.

Steph and I have been over this, and the prob we had was it is either too rough, or you find "leftovers" of the TP wherever you wiped. That is not cool, especially when you're picking off the leftovers in bed when trying to be intimate! I don't know if we ever made a final decision, we just buy whatever I think.

Dad said...

I think I know where the term POOPSEY comes from.