Tuesday, December 15, 2009

yellow.

I used to hate yellow. I hated that country yellow that it seemed so many houses had in it.
Things however... have changed. The shades of yellow have changed, developed into something much more appealing and much more desirable.

I'm now the proud owner of a Shey*B camera strap, and I'm L-O-V-I-N-G it. And how cool is it that the day it arrives I'm wearing that sweater with yellow in it?

Pretty awesome if you ask me.
It also doubles as a neck warmer.

woot for sweet camera straps!



Monday, December 07, 2009

steadfast is the Lord.

There is snow falling outside this morning. Looks like another light dusting that will most likely be gone by this afternoon.

I haven't quite been myself lately. Not entirely sure why. I do know
that Thanksgiving week I got pneumonia.

And I ran a 5k with it.

Like a moron.

Some photographer got some really attractive pictures of me running though...thanks buddy. You really needed to take that picture of me looking like DEATH and post it on the world-wide-web.

I ran the race in Wisconsin dragging along my brother Pete, an old friend of our Joe {who kicked all our behinds BIG TIME} and Pete's roommate Arron. It was cold, windy, and freezing. Did I mention the pneumonia? Justin and my Dad came and cheered us on in the cold which was awesome of them.

I was feeling sick before the race, but I wasn't about to skip out because I had a mild fever the night before! BOY did I pay for that decision. I was so out of it for the next two days and Saturday I slept almost the entire day. My Dad took me to his office and my Mom took a chest x-ray and discovered I had pneumonia.

My Mom came home with us Sunday and stayed until last Friday. That was SO helpful.

Needless to say, my Thanksgiving weekend with our familes, wasn't that enjoyful as I was just not myself. It was hard to think straight let alone be thankful for all the blessings in our lives.
Besides the sickness my attitude wasn't the best.

This weekend we relaxed. We got our Christmas tree, {Justin set a new personal record time for picking one out} and had some friends over last night. It was a really nice weekend. Justin and I had some good laughs, we've both been so busy it was so great to just be together.

This Monday though, for some reason I just feel out of sorts. It's not just because it is Monday either. I only have about 1/3 of our Christmas shopping done, and I feel REALLY behind on everything. Our upstairs looks like a minor bomb went off and I'm still just exhausted from the pneumonia I suppose.

As I read the word this morning the Lord reminded me of something so simple, yet so special.

His Steadfast love.


The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. {STEADFASTNESS!}

-Lamentations 3:22-23


He is STEADFAST.
Immovable!
Unchanging!


Psalm 136:1-9

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who alone does great wonders,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who by understanding made the heavens,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who spread out the earth above the waters,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
to him who made the great lights,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
the sun to rule over the day,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
the moon and stars to rule over the night,
for his steadfast love endures forever


So thankful for an amazing steadfast, unchanging savior that is constant and consistent each and every day!
What do you thank the Lord for this day?

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

1.

hard to believe how fast you went from this:
liam edward. 12.4.2008
to this:
little monkey
to this:
liam.5.16.2009
to this:
Great Grandpa and L-man.
{pictured here with your Great-Grandfather Paul Swanson}
to this:
10.17.09 Liam in field
to this:
Liam 10 months
to this:
gazing out.
to this:
Liam at Holly Hill Inn
to this:
Liam rides the Moose.


love you sweet monkey.
xoxoxo
your Mama

Monday, November 30, 2009

easy peasy advent calendar.

I've wanted a GOOD advent calendar for a few years now. One that you could put a little something in.
I wanted this advent calendar from Pottery Barn Kids, but $69...I don't think so. Besides, it's sold out anyway.
So, I came up with my own, and it cost about $15.
advent4
Need:
12x12{ish}piece of plywood {about $2.
25 boxes. {I got mine for .25 each}
decorative paper {$4}
mod podge glue {$3}

advent3
glue on boxes {with lids on} in 5 rows of 5.
advent2
Yeah, it's not all perfect and even, but you get the picture.
advent1
Then take off all your lids and cover them with your paper, and numbers if you'd like.
advent 7
Wallah. Easy peasy advent calendar.
advent 6

Saturday, November 21, 2009

on NEW MOON.

SO...last night I went to the opening of NEW MOON with my good friends Allison and Beth.
There we stood in line 45 minutes before the movie with teenage girls, cougars, and men who had been dragged there. In front of us there were three young girls {talking faster than I could think...did I used to be like that?} and not moving WITH THE LINE while a Mom, Dad and their two girls behind us, and here is the MOTHER who is practically ON TOP OF ALLISON as if someone would sneak in between her and Allison if she wasn't and SHE WASN'T EVEN GOING to the 10PM showing ANYWAY, she was going to the 10:30!
Let me tell you some of these people needed to R-E-L-A-X.
It was an experience. I cannot even IMAGINE what a premiere with the actors actually there. It must be complete madness. Madness that I want NO part of.

Anyway the movie was pretty great. Compared to the first film which I did enjoy, it was a bit dark and too dramatic, this was amazing.
It's the look,the feel {no, not it's not cotton} of the film that the added time and money committed to New Moon that compared with Twilight, that makes it supremely better. And the settings, from the cliffs and the gorgeous forests, to the Tuscan scenes of the Volterra, gives the movie a less darker feel. While at times the background music seemed overdone, I appreciated the indie soundtrack that accompanied and complimented the movie. I also appreciated director Chris Weitz's {who is new on the scene,Catherine Hardwicke directed Twilight} faithfulness to the book, and I dare say his additions at times, improves it.
There are people here who won't "get it",and I understand. They don't connect with the stories, and this clearly isn't for them. Kind of like Harry Potter wasn't for me.
The film was good, the acting was overall well done {I thought Dakota Fanning was FABULOUS in her small role as Jane}, the dialogue works well and there is a good amount of humor which is mostly well placed. I'm left interested and excited to see the direction they'll take with Eclipse.

ALSO...
on a more humorous note NEXT TO and BEHIND us was this group of like 10 women {WHO HAD TO BE IN THEIR 40's if not close to 50} one of which BEFORE the movie began was dancing and acting like a COMPLETE buffoon.
Throughout the film they were shouting whenever a shirt was off or perhaps a kiss was going to occur. It was RIDICULOUS. These Women were old enough to BE the guys in this films MOTHERS! Crazy I tell you. We had our suspicions that they had been drinking and sure enough when the film let out we saw their.
As we exited a the dancing buffoon and friends where standing together, and she puts her arm around her friend and says;

"That movie was AH-MAZ-ING"

Guess the film changed her life. :)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

the week before we give thanks.

bird. 10.30.2009

Justin has been working 10 {ten} hour days, 6{six} days a week. It's a little ridiculous and I'm pretty sure, long term I can't deal with it. It has been fine so far, but I see it getting old quickly. I do miss him, and I know how tired he is.
This week has been insane, and here are a few selected stories from the week so far.

Monday:
Justin and I have been having the same argument for WEEKS. It is not a serious or important argument, but neither of us is willing to give. So Monday we are in bed talking and he falls asleep on me mid-conversation!!
Instead of jolting him {which is my preferred method of waking him...not his} I decided to try the annoyed sigh...loudly sighing him awake.
Didn't work, so I'm going back to jolting...although that night I let the man sleep.
It was a Monday after all.

Tuesday:
Ev. the L-man and I went to GAP to buy Justin some fleece lined jeans for work. I am walking to the register and Evan is just ahead of me, and I can't even tell you how it happened but all of the sudden he appears with a Mountain Dew in his hand, SIPPING it like he has had it all along.
"where did you get that?"
" I dunno. Over there."
I see a bunch of employees putting up new fixtures and new clothes out and realize
it is one of theirs.
NICE.
So, instead of alerting them all that my three year old has potentially backwashed in their drink of choice I put the drink back from where I thought he picked it up.
My Dad would DIE. My germo-phobe {technical term} Dad who is A DOCTOR for crying out loud would die if he heard that. Let's say my Mom took a bite out of a sandwich and decided she didn't want the rest. My Dad would surgically cut the sandwich at about a length of 1.5 inches away from the bite so he wouldn't get the germs.
I'm not sure why I just included that, but it seemed like a good way to tease my Dad.

By the way, what does Evan want for Christmas? Diet Soda. {I don't buy it, and so he wants it}

I'll give a little shout out to Justin too who won his first indoor soccer game {which I'm NOT jealous of at all since I get to stay home with our boys...ahem} and scored all three goals the team had. WOOT.

Wednesday:
Evan makes a HUGE ruckus when he uses the toilet. He makes a lot of noise, slamming toilet seat up and down...I think he wants the WHOLE HOUSE to know that he has used the bathroom.
Last night, Max was brushing his teeth and Evan was using the toilet and as I was on my way upstairs to help them finish up and get into bed I hear the slam and a cry.
You guessed it, Evan slammed his P in with the lid.
Poor kid, I'm sure it killed.
I came back downstairs and Justin and I laughed at his expense.
We are GREAT parents.

Any "fun" things happen with you yet this week?

{ps-I have a fun tutorial coming soon...at least I thought it was fun, and maybe you will too.}

Thursday am addition:

This morning I met a nice Grandfather at Panera, got a free tire rotation, and a free bluetooth since my cell phone speaker broke. Been a GREAT Thursday so far :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

brothers.

the boys. 10.30.2009

brothers. 10.30.2009

brothers.10.30.2009 take 2

It was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on! ~Author Unknown

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Romans 6:10-11

delong.

I've been reading in Romans and this morning I was in Chapter 6 and these verses {11,12} really struck me....

" For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So YOU must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God IN Christ Jesus."

I don't know about you but I sometimes expect these huge epiphanies when i'm reading the word...not everyday, but every now and then. I'm finding {and learning} that is things we might have seen or heard over and over can suddenly hit you differently as

Jesus died for our sins! AMEN!! HOWEVER he DEFEATED not only sin but death as well! WHOA.

In verse 11 it says we "...must consider yourselves dead to sin..." as in the power and command that sin has had in our lives has been broken, because of Gods grace and work on the cross.
The grasp of sin in our lives has been broken!
THANK YOU JESUS!

What a joy!
What a relief!
What a comfort!

How wonderful are his mercies? New EVERY morning. {Lam. 2:22,23}
So that we, his children can overcome and conquer sin.
We are made ALIVE in him. All we need to do is come before him on our hands and knees.
Beg him for mercy, for help that we might overcome our ugly, sinful, heart desires and instead run to him.

TO LIVE for HIM.

wow.

That's why I think preaching the gosepel to yourslef daily is so helpful. Your mind is on him, on the prize which is ETERNAL life with HIM!

What a gift.
I pray I may be more dilligent in living my life FOR Him.

A good friend who is going through A LOT of tough stuff right now, sent me this song this morning{here are some of the lyrics:

Mikeschair - Let the Waters Rise

God You know where I’ve been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You’ll be faithful again
I’m holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees

So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I’m holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Monday, November 09, 2009

soccer 2009.

We've begun extra-circulars in this casa, and this fall Maxwell played soccer.
He loved being on the team, he had some great teammates and Max was a pretty good player if I say so myself.

game time. 10.2009
Evan SO wished he was on the field. He did enjoy the games...and especially enjoyed the post- game snack. Snacks crack me up. At this age the kids look more forward to the snacks more than the actual game!
evan @ soccer. 2009
Liam cheering on his big brother...and giving me a look.
liam @soccer. 2009

These three were a POWERHOUSE. That girl...Jaycee...was INCREDIBLE. She was so aggressive and got right in there with the best of 'em...I was quite impressed with that little lady. The boy behind Max was Johann...he was a quick little fella...complete with rat tail. He doesn't speak a LICK of English but he sure is a sweet boy.
kickoff. 10.2009
Breakaway that let to a gggggooooooooooaaaalllll!!!
goal!!!!!!!! 10.2009
team picture {with a couple kiddos missing}
cougars. 2009
A fun season!

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Katie's recipe swap.

Katie is looking for some good recipes, so I thought I'd join in on the fun...


ROCKIN Mac and Cheese {this ain't Kraft Mac and Cheese...and I have NO idea where I got this recipe...but it's a favorite at our house.}


image- southern living.com


I'm telling you... this stuff is UH-MAZING.

Ingredients:

1 lb. elbow macaroni
3 tbsp. butter
4 tbsp. all-purpose flour
1 c. milk {room temp.}
4 c. shredded cheese (cheddar, mozzarella, colby jack, or whatever you like!)
salt, black pepper, and fresh nutmeg
10 oz. box of frozen pureed squash

Cook the pasta in boiling, WELL SALTED water like the box says, probably eight or nine minutes. While it cooks, make the cheese sauce.
Melt the butter in a large saucepan over low heat. Add the flour, and stir it like crazy with a whisk.
Whisk that together until your mixture turns a golden color.
Add the milk, and whisk like crazy again.
Don't burn your sauce!
Lower the heat and season the sauce with a couple of good pinches of salt and a little pepper and nutmeg.
Now it's time to add the cheese.
Just stir the cheese in until it melts. Taste the sauce to see if it tastes good, and it should! Add the defrosted squash to the mixture and make sure it's all well mixed.
Then add the cooked, drained pasta to the sauce in a large bowl or the pot you cooked the pasta in. Stir it together, and pour it into a casserole dish.
Bake it for about 20 minutes at 350 degrees until it's a little brown on top.


Chicken Enchiladas {Mad Hungry, Feeding men and boys- Lucinda Quinn...I just got this book and LOVE it !}
- this is good with or without the salad on top.

image- allrecipies.com

ingredients:


green sauce-
1/2 white onion, chopped
2 garlic coves, unpeeled
2 jalapeno chili's, stems removed
14 whole tomatillos, peeled and simmered in water for 5 min.
1/4 cup unsalted roasted peanuts
2 tablespoons coarse salt
1/2 cup chicken broth

{OR if you don't want to or to save time you can buy green ench. sauce....just make sure it is made with tomatillos...tastes MUCH better}

enchiladas:
1 tbsp. veg oil. + 2 teas. for salad
3 cups of green sauce
12 corn tortillas
4 cups shredded chicken {I used a rotisserie chicken}
7 oz. Monterrey jack or queso fresco cheese
3-4 cups romaine lettuce
6 radishes trimmed and sliced
1 tbsp. white vinegar
salt/pepper

{to make sauce}
preheat broiler. place onion, garlic and chilies on baking sheet. cook for 4 min. discard garlic skin. Place onion, garlic and chilies in blender with tomatillos, peanuts, salt and broth. Blend until smooth.

PRE-heat oven to 375.

Heat a saucepan to medium high and add tablespoon of oil. Add green sauce and cook a bit to thicken it up.
One by one dip in tortillas and place in 9x13 fill with some chicken {I add a little cheese too}
and roll 'er up.
Fit each ench. snugly next to the other in the dish.
Pour remaining green sauce over enchiladas.
Sprinkle Cheese on top.
Bake for 15 minutes, or until sauce is bubbling and the enchiladas are heated through.

While ench. cook toss lettuce and radishes with 2 teas. oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. Layer salad on top of hot ench. and serve immediately.

Vegetable Lasagna {What can I say? I heart Martha.}
image- marthastewart.com


Ingredients:

4 cups (32 ounces) whole-milk ricotta cheese
2 large eggs
Salt and fresh ground pepper
2 packages (10 ounces each) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed to remove excess moisture
1 cup shredded carrots {I added this...it's not in the orig. recipe}
6 cups store-bought or homemade tomato sauce
12 no-boil lasagna noodles (8 ounces)
1 pound fontina cheese (4 cups), shredded
Directions
1.Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a medium bowl, whisk together ricotta cheese, eggs, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Add spinach, and stir well to combine.
2.Spread a small bit of tomato sauce in the bottom of a 9-by-13-inch glass baking dish or dishes. Arrange a layer of lasagna noodles on top. Spread 1/3 of the ricotta mixture over the noodles, followed by 1/3 of the remaining sauce; sprinkle with 1/3 of the grated cheese. Repeat to make two more layers, ending with cheese. If freezing, cover tightly with plastic wrap. Before baking, defrost in the refrigerator overnight.
3.Cover with aluminum foil. Bake 30 minutes. Remove foil; continue baking until top is golden brown, about 15 minutes more. Let cool slightly before serving.

Taco Lasagna { from my mother-in-law}
image-bigoven.com
ingredients:
1 lb. ground beef
1 packet taco seas.
4 cups salsa
1 31 oz. can refried beans
6- 9 inch tortillas { I've used corn and flour}
3 cups Mexican cheese mix

brown meat and drain. Add taco seas, and 2/3 c. water.
Add salsa.
layer 9x13 with 1/3 meat sauce.
cover with 2 tortillas.
layer with another 1/3 of meat sauce and 1 c. cheese.
cover with 2 tortillas
spread can of refried beans on this layer, and 1 c. of cheese over beans.
layer last 2 tortillas.
cover with the last of the meat, and cheese

bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Meatballs for spaghetti { from our friend Dana Conley}


ingredients

2 eggs
1 cup dry Italian bread crumbs
2 T finely chopped onions
2 T grated parm. cheese
1 teas. salt
1/2 teas. pepper
1/2 teas. garlic powder
1/2 teas. Italian seas.
1.5 lbs. ground beef
.5 lb. of ground pork

combine all ingredients well. {using your hands works best!}
shape into 1 " balls and place unto ungreased {rimmed} baking sheet

bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes

serve with sauce and pasta. YUM!

Greek potatoes { from my Mom..a GREAT side dish or good served with some good veggies}
image-greekfood.com
1 med. onion, chopped
1/2 teas. oregano
1 chopped garlic clove
1 tbsp. oil
salt/pepper
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1 teas. each of thyme, basil, and rosemary.
16 oz. can of chicken broth.
5lbs. potatoes

Saute onion, oregano and garlic in oil. Add all other ingredients besides potatoes and broth.
Peel and cut potatoes into wedges.
Arrange into a 9x13.
Add broth to sauce and bring to a boil.
Pour over potatoes and bake at 450 for 45 minutes or until potatoes are tender.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

last week.

These two...
endoct.2009 032
can get into a whole heap of trouble together. Did I mention Addie is a month OLDER than Liam? He's a monster!! I had 5 kids one day last week! Well only 4 about half the time as Max was at school...but I have to admit that it's true what they say... after you go from two to three, anything after that is like piece of cake...or something like that. {Megan you TOLD ME SO!} And so with 4 kids 3 and under I made bread.
endoct.2009 071

Look. I've never been much of an artist, but for my first attempt at baguettes I think they look cool{ish}. While my dough rested and rose this was going on...
endoct.2009 037

Evan was in charge since Max was still at school and the younger three soaked up every ounce of energy Evan had to offer. They were pretty fun to watch at ages 3, 2,1, and 11 months.

It was quite the afternoon of children...and bread....oh, and pumpkin muffins.
pumcup.2
pumpcup.1

But back to the bread.
endoct.2009 072

This bread is SO easy and I highly recommend the book I got the recipe from.

DOUGH: Simple, Contemporary Bread {by, Richard Bertinet}

I'm TELLING you, if I can do it, you can too.

It is so incredibly easy and even I, yes lil' ol' me can make some tasty, yummy, and {sometimes} stellar looking bread.

It's good stuff.

Monday, November 02, 2009

the dr. & bakugan dan.

dr. swanson 10.31.2009
I think Dr. suits the L-man pretty nicely.

Dan {evan} 10.31.2009

Evan was this Bakugan character...even though neither of us really have a clue what Bakugan is.
He also called the trick-or-treaters "customers"

poor Max wasn't feeling so hot on Saturday, so I didn't get any pictures of him in his Power Rangers get-up. He did inform me he would like some photographic evidence that he was, indeed the Red Power Ranger.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Being Real 2.0, and finding the real me.

Someone whom I love and respect very much, asks me {nearly every time I see him} what am I going to do with my life?

I know, in his eyes being a Mom and all is nice, but what was I going to DO with my life? How was I going to contribute to society. He and his wife are VERY successful in life, and have the money to show for it.

I get it. What was my mission in life?

In this day and age with so many working Moms, and woman doing more than they ever have, being a stay at home mom seems, well, like it isn't enough.

There are plenty of Mom's out there who do work and have kids. WE {as in Justin and I} have decided that it is important to us for me to be home with our kids. He makes plenty of money for us to live comfortably so I am able to do that.

There are times, amidst spit-up, spills, and laundry piles that I wonder, how this can be it for me? That the majority of my life is filled with cleaning, running errands, disciplining and teaching children, and other various tasks.

Sure, I know, I know, Oprah has mentioned several times that Mothers have the hardest job in the world, and the audience cheers in agreement. I can't help but wonder if inside, she is really thinking how thankful she is she isn't a stay at home Mom.

When I got married, I QUICKLY realized that I couldn't be as selfish as I once was. I was not joined with this man, and we were ONE. Yikes!

I think so many marriages fail mostly out of pure selfishness, and that one or both spouses have no interest in being "bossed around" by the other and they are not going to change or make sacrifice for another person!

Then, when children enter the scene, you have to become even LESS selfish and sacrifice so much more. FREEDOM becomes much more limited as you are now responsible for another LIFE!

All these changes got me to thinking about who I am. I've been married over seven years now, and we have three young boys. How did I get here, and we did "I" go? I mean, I don't know exactly where I DID see myself, or who "I" was supposed to be,but it didn't seem like this was it.

How was I supposed to find any part of who I was when it seems all my time is given to my husband,kids, and others? Who am I?!

A few weeks ago we had a guest speaker, Peter Hubbard, at our church who talked about our mission in life.

He told a story about how he was waiting for his wife at the mall and he asked several people who happened to come sit where he was if they knew what their purpose in life was.

As he talked about one girl who was confident in her purpose to become a teacher and tell people about Jesus. Another middle aged man had no clue, but the majority of people really hadn't thought about it much and just gave general answers you might expect. To have a good job, enjoy family and friends and be successful and contributing to society in some way.

As I read Marian's article over at Ungrind this week, it really hit home. I thought back to that sermon a few weeks ago. I thought about my mission in life. How authentic was I being in that?
It seems like I have everything backwards. I'm being real with girlfriends and leaving my husband wondering what was going on inside my head. He often comments that he can't read my mind, so why do I so often expect him to?

What was my life mission, and if someone came up to me today and asked, how would I respond?

Pastor Hubbard gave us a list to use as guidelines as we look at ourselves, our real mission in lives. He encouraged us to ask someone close to us to ask these questions of ourselves. It's not a check-list, to check off and say, YES! I must be saved! But, rather to indicate that you are part of the people of God.

Here are a few:
Do you see evidences that I am saved?
In the way I am honest about who I am and what I do?

Do you hear my confess my sins? Do I repent?

How do I receive and give forgiveness?

Do you see my trusting in Christ as my only hope for righteousness?

Am I intentionally building relationships with the lost?

Do I worry too much about how others perceive me?

Am I using my time and {our} money wisely?

Do you see me moving from things that use to bind me?

What better person to ask than my husband who sees me everyday, in the good,the bad {and ugly} am I living authentically for Christ? Am I on the mission for Jesus Christ?

As I define my authentic self, who I want to really be, it really is simple, and that is OK.
I am a sinner saved by grace, and I pray that during this short life here on earth I will be as Marion desires and describes in her article.

"Authenticity, let it flow. Let it be real and raw and full of God."

May that be my life mission....FULL of GOD, on mission for Jesus Christ no matter where I am or what I am doing.

"Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation." 1 Peter 2:12

Friday, October 23, 2009

keeping it real.

I can't STAND it when people are fake with me.

I once knew someone that I didn't see all that often, but when I did I got that over the top, fake bubbly attitude, and plastered on smile. I could never figure out who she really was underneath all her words.

I've thought about it though---that while I might not be a complete fake with people, I might not be as real as I can be with people.
What I mean is on a personal level am I willing to admit my faults? Can I'd admit I can be weak and weary? Do I ask for prayer and help with my struggles?
Not enough.
In the past few years, my best friend and I who are now separated by hundreds of miles have been better at being more genuine with one another. Being more open and honest than we ever before---even when we lived together in college. We have worked through some hard things together. Things that needed to be revealed to each other so we could help each other and heal, to point each other to Christ.
I've only recently realized the need to be more authentic, more real with the people I see most. It's been three years since we torn up our roots in Wisconsin and moved to Kentucky, and in those short three years Justin and I have met some amazing, lifelong friends. We have been so blessed to find and become members of an amazing church body.
A church plant, and still relatively small, we have a group of amazingly tight knit people who genuinely love and care for one other. The display of love from friends who are excited and passionate about Christ has shown me that I can be more open and transparent with them.
It has been so rewarding and encouraging to be able to humble myself, and confess my struggles, my weaknesses, my pains.
The articles this month over at Ungrind have been so encouraging to read as I see these woman struggle as I have. As I think about who I am, what I want to be.

"An authentic, godly woman -- from the depths of me -- this is what I long to
be. And I want to struggle well to become this. I'm thankful that God is
continuing to show me more and more about the healing He wants to give me, most
of all, in my relationship with Him.
As Tim Keller says, "all of life is
repentance." So if that's the case, and I believe it is, then confession must
happen all the time to God and to the people he has put in our lives."


Like Samantha talks about in her article, An Uptown Confession I too hope I can become a more authentic and godly woman as I swallow my pride and become more honest, transparent, and real with others.

Brian Regan- Dinner Party

love Brian. :)