We have officially entered into Tantrum City...well we have actually been here for awhile but I had to come to grips with the fact that my baby is no baby anymore. Max will be three come August and honestly with each year he grows older I feel more nervous. I know as parents you learn as you go, and rely a lot on the parents before you, but I still have fear of entering into the unknown years.
Maxwell started his tantrums when we would be at the checkout at any store. He would get upset for no apparent reason, and lay on the (dirty) floor....but at least he was silent. I would just get the heck out of there as fast as I could because as soon as I scooped him up and got him into the cart he would then cry and I thought to myself don't run too fast because maybe people would think I was some crazy lady stealing someone elses kids because I wanted them, since Maxwells cries seemed like ones of a stolen child. Sigh.
So that passed and he is actualy quite helpful now we we checkout but the tantrums have moved to when we are outside and he does not want to come in, he screams like we are pinching him to get in the door or something. Sigh again.
It is often said that the firstborn is the experimental child, the one who the parenting methods gets tested on. I was the experimental child of my family and I turned out alright, or did I? So here we are at a point where Max knows when he is being disobedient and we as parens are to step in and let him know that is definately not ok.
I was reading this book, Shepharding a Child's Heart, by Paul David Tripp, that I began a few years ago and got about halfway through and then it mysteriously disappeared. Recently though my cousin Nicole and I were chatting on the phone and she mentioned she was reading it and really was encouraged by it. So I have dug it out and begun reading it again.
A little random sidenote, this morning as we were finishing breakfast, Evan was eager to get out of his seat and began squirming and sqealing and Max turns to him and goes;
"Be patient, be patient Evan."
It was pretty cute, and since I tell Max that all of the time it has caught on and he is understanding what patience is...I think. :)
There is no perfect parent, and there is not one way to parent. So I wonder, to spank or not to spank? Do timeouts work or are they simply a waste of time? How do you get your child included in activities like cleaning or cooking without the huge mess? How do you teach your child about God, and how much does he/she understand? These are questions I have to deal with now that the boys are getting older. What have you found out as a parent, and what do you think?
3 comments:
I like Teach them diligently and Don't make me count to three...as far as parenting books go. Especially the Don't Make Me Count To Three...every practical advice...it is like Shepherding a Child's Heart but written from a Mother's perspective and she gives the actual how to and what to do in certain situations. I think both these books make a good case for the discipline that we use in our house and discipline when done right produces good fruit. There are times when I am angry that I don't discipline because then I would be in the wrong for doing it in anger. I use different forms of discipline based on if it is Direct disobedience or something else. You can email me if you want more specifics.
As far as cleaning and cooking without making a mess...well in order to teach them it will be a mess and not done right in the beginning but that is part of the learning process. A little difficulty now will pay off later.
Teaching about God...all day long. When we are watering or planting our flowers we talk about God's creation or parables from the bible. When I have to ask their forgiveness for getting angry, when we read a bible story before bed, when the do something wrong and I can point out in scripture why God says it is wrong and what he says is the right thing to do. There are so many moments in life that you can teach them about God...TONS of moments. Even dealing with things myself...the death of a Grandparent, praying for something and seeing my prayer answered, having a miscarriage and all the emotional things that went along with that. Also we use worship and scripture CD's and DVD's to teach the kids God's word. These have been very helpful. I have a list of great ones if you are interested. We have a Mom's meeting at our church once a month for young moms and it has been a great resource of encouragement and wisdom from other moms and the resources the leaders bring we are going through a great book called A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming right now.
Anne, we are still figuring out all of this stuff too. I have read "Don't Make Me Count to Three" and I agree with Bethany that it's very practical and helpful. If I remember correctly, it stresses the importance of consistency, which I'm not great at, but is SO important. We tend to use the naughty step at our house, which seems to be effective because Olivia doesn't like having to leave her toys and sit there for three minutes. Even Ava understands the concept of having to sit there and will do so.
Olivia loves to help cook and clean, but like Bethany said, it can be messy. There's really no way around that at this age.
Also, Olivia seems to grasp a lot of spiritual stuff. It used to be we would pray with her and now she likes to lead in prayer. Also, whenever we leave the house I always point out nature and we talk about how God made the mountains and the trees and so forth. Also, when she gets hurt we talk about how God can help heal us, as well as when any of us are sick, we've taught her that we pray for each other. So I think they understand A LOT at this age. We also use music that has verses and biblical concepts. Olivia sings along -- which is wonderful to hear. She knows all the words.
thanks ladies...both helpful to me :)Appreciate your feedback.
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