Tuesday, August 05, 2008

on being critical.

Last week I begain listening to Carolyn Mahaney.
If you haven't listened to anything by her....you should.
If you want me to recommend a really good talk she gave...I will.
She has a series of studies on Titus 2 titled; "To teach What is Good"...and it's good.

The specific one I'm talking about here is Loving your Husband. It was a goodie. It's completely free to listen to from Soveriegn Grace Ministries. So check it out.
Anyway, she was talking about how we can be so critical of our husbands.
She quotes Jim Elliott who said this; " If you are a generous wife, you may allow your husband to live up to about 80% of your expectations. The other 20% you may want to change. Now, you may choose to pick at that 20% for the rest of your lives and you probably won't reduce it by much, or you can choose to skip that and simply enjoy the 80% and both you and your husband will be very happy"

Now, I know I can be critical and nag at Justin.
One thing that really annoys me is that Justin leaves his clothes anywhere and everywhere. I wonder sometimes what makes him decide a certian place is a good place to take it all off. I've been on him for months...no wait years to quit leaving clothes everywhere and just simply at least throw them in our closet.
It became clear to me after listening to Carolyns' message that this was something I was picking at, and instead of wasting all my energy and time nagging Justin about changing his ways I could simply pick up his clothes for him and put them away or in the laundry.
So, I'm leaving it alone. I'm sure sometimes my sin will get the best of me and I will go off on him about it, but I'm praying God will just take away myannoyance with this habit and just get over it. I really don't mind that much picking up his clothes, so I'll do it, and it will make us both happier as I don't bug him about it, and our room stays clean.
Check out the series at Sovereign Grace.


Lauren W said...

What a great reminder. I know I often do the same thing to my hubby. That's a really good way to look at it, though. I'll have to check that message out.

dancebythelight said...

Yeah, it's those little things that can drive us crazy, huh? Josh leaves other stuff all over the place: keys, wallet, lunch bag, Bible, etc. Mostly he comes home and drops them all over the counter, where I'm trying to prepare dinner! It makes me mental! Your post is a good reminder.

And those talks are great! I've also an avid listener to Nancy Leigh DeMoss podcasts. Now that you have an iPod, you can listen to your talks anywhere, ha ha! Once you figure it out! ;)

Bethany said...

I was once told that it is the things that annoy you most that you will/would miss the most if/when they were gone. I can totally see how that would be. Walking in the front door and having my bureau all clean would mean Aaron wasn't here and although the piles annoy me if he was gone their missing presence would be a painful reminder. I even think of the grandmas that talk about missing the legos they stepped on and the smudges on the windows because they no longer had the pitter patter of little feet through the house that come with those things. It is funny too because sometimes the things we loved the most can even become problems if we think of ourselves more than those we love. I think of surfing with Aaron, when I first met him I loved that he was this cute surfer boy with big arms and shoulders. I loved to watch him. After years of being married I would be annoyed when he left early in the am to surf or want to be out all vacation. He hast taken breaks here and there and now he is able to once again surf a lot more and I see how happy it makes him and how good it is for him and I am at a place where I can appreciate it and want him to do it even when it is means a harder am for me. I want him to do it because I know he loves it and I love him. All that to say for awhile that wasn't the case.

So great post and great reminder.

Can't wait to find out what you are having

Megan said...

good thoughts- i've found there are some things, that no matter how many polite conversations you have about it, no matter what, there are things people just aren't going to stop doing...so after the persistent polite (hopefully polite) trying, you just gotta get over it, and remember your mate's 80% is beyond great, and you can just get over yourself and look over the other 20! oh, and be thankful he's looking over my 20 too..


Connie said...

Your post made me chuckle, because my Troy, does the same thing. It's not only with clothes, but cereal bowls and other things he uses around the house. We tease and I thank him for always wanting me to be a part of all he does!!!! What a nice guy. The clothes was always a big one, because he leaves them right next to the hamper, a lot of the time?!?! But I have gotten over it some, as I love the way my man smells (when he is clean of course) so when it's a shirt, I have to pick up, I smell it, and I smile and I'm thankful I have him to pick up after. Note: I only do this with gently worn clothes!!!!
Have a great day,